to tired to be Profile

Total Posts	Last Post	Last Seen	Joined
1386	12/01/09 18:13:02	12/01/09 19:36:22	04/28/08

Visitors Now	Visitors Today	Most Visits	Total Visits
0	0	43 04/27/09	795

"The Winged" - Brand New Challenge!

11/18/09 10:26:06 | 0 Comments

We are one with the eagles, you and me
each in our struggles to live, to be free
learning to be lithe, to gain some peace
following rules set by mercurial powers that be

All in a quest to just simply be

Some men fought for freedom, refusing to comply
giving it all-some survived, but many more died
all in the name of freedom, refusing to conform
with so many tests of wills, some became worn

Blind followers began being born

Eagles as a species, almost cease to be
their wilderness habitat we changed so radically
burgeoning into their living areas, now fit only for humans
alone in their rueful plight, near extinction by our heavy hands

Greed soon took over all the lands

Crestfallen I watched one, caged for TV
biting, refusing to tame, preserving dignity
an irascible bird, in his eyes a glint of sense
fighting the human, revolting in tiny increments

But long arms demanded total obedience

An eagle, clutching arrows, an olive branch, determinedly
a fitting tribute to the majesty of what we both use to be
back to a time when "we," the people, demanded to be free
respecting freedom, life, liberty, in all living beings

Back in time, our fathers demanded liberties

Yet here we are again, on our knees before contemporary royalty
some by choice or greed, others by force or necessity,
all in an effort to give life some peaceful quality
our lives are being taken over, sacrificing dignity

For them to rule, we are brought to our knees

We trusted, closed our eyes, then refused to see
what others were doing to our life and liberty
keeping us separate, yet herding us like sheep
demanding we comply, and do it without a peep

While we live life silently, symbolically

It's all treasures to me

06/20/09 07:30:36 | 0 Comments

Here I sit surrounded

by boxes and boxes

of........

now that I've done the math

16 years of stuff

a disastrous fire

took the years before that

and a child too....

..............

It's all treasures to me

of days gone by

just junk to others

garbage to some

I know I have to get rid of a lot of it

so much attached to past lives

no longer wanted

not needed to hold on to

I remind myself of that

every few seconds

as I pull yet another memento out

trinkets from the kids

the ones I birthed

many from those I didn't

some from friends,

some from more

to each and every item

someone is attached

the urge to rip and tare to bits

flashes by

then is replaced by softer moments

as I sigh

some things throw me

clean into yesteryear

...you know the place

when you never wanted to leave

to heart beating moments

when things went right

or I did something so dumb

it was hilarious

couldn't help but laugh

wonder where I lost that ability

to laugh at myself

I make a note to self

which I will undoubtedly loose

must find ability to laugh at me again

the answer could lay in a box

I dig some more

ahh a whole box of spoons

from as far away as Japan

Turkey, Saudi

beautiful workmanship

few alloys added to metals

gold so soft it bends with ease

one handmade says the tag

I turn it end over end

no made in China sticker

I can see in my minds eye

who gave me what

at what period in my life

roughly the year

the smile or grin as it was presented

expected gushing thanks

peppering praise

a sudden burst of laughter

these are small

I can keep these

they don't take up much room

in the growing mountain of keep stuff

Sighhhh ....

I wonder if it just wouldn't be better to drag it all along

tormenting the poor child stuck

going through moms house

after I'm gone

the loser of the shortest straw,

maybe the agony of being the oldest

yet another pitfall of being the youngest

another complaint for the middle child

in any case

I can picture them weeping

not because of loss of dear mom

but because there are still more rooms

of boxes to go through

even after the 4 rooms

an attic

and a basement

remembering mom for years to come

with a scowl

a few not so nice words

I think I uttered some of those words

when I packed up a child's belongings

left behind for years

in an idol bedroom

filled with childhood dreams

and fads outgrown

forgotten by adulthood

and I wanted a sewing room

maybe if my kids are smart

they will start on this stuff earlier

as my memory retains less and less

in the years to come....

"Hey mom, remember this?

No?

Sure?

Out it goes!"

I'll have to suggest that

another note to self

undoubtedly to be forgotten

"7 Days of Buried Treasures" Acrostic Challenge - Day 6

06/15/09 19:00:06 | 0 Comments

Our lives needed only to touch for a few heartbeats
Uttered words, actions and impressions enhance the life of another
Right away what we say or do becomes a future spark for the other

Life moments, each life period collected, is drawn upon later for a peek
Instantly, days, weeks, even years, are moments that later speak
Vivid instances of fulfillment should be carefully tucked away
Everyone occasionally needs a wishing well to draw them from
Something to spark our moments away from life's routine humdrum

No one passes through our day without leaving a bit behind
Each of our words and actions gets filed in a corner of our mind
Every one of them a spark, for someone elses dream or wish
Drawn from moments shared together in idleness or in bliss
Events and moments glide into our mind, filling it with delight
Don't dismiss the others, they may be another days guiding light

One instant could make a difference in the life of another
Never dismiss this as something that is to simple to be true
Learn to see and draw from the moments, so you can make dreams too
Yesterdays impressions and expressions carry from day to day

To smile, touch or talk, to treat a special way, gives a spark away
One moment is all it takes to make a wish or dream seem true

Try to pay attention to your daily projections and attitudes
Once it's realized that our moments sparks anther's gratitude
Using them wisely will become common place, we'll do it every day
Causing us to really think of others and what that we do and say
Heartbeats spark the flames, to dream a spare moment away

For me every single person gave me a spark of life today
Odd moments give me reason to draw another breath
Rise in the morning, face another day

Another batch of wishing and dreaming for my minds well

Few understand the concept, yet so often I explain
Everyone is special, unique in each and every way
Without moments with each other we would lose our way

Having periods of remembrances, of what happened yesterday
Equates to the sugar rush your riding so high on today
Anothers smile, laughter, tears or fears rebound in your brain
Reacting to the memory, matching those moments of another day
To smile ear to ear, blush a bit, shed a tear, or maybe for them I'd pray
Becoming a wisp of a wish or dream, just something to carry me away
Easing the sadness or stresses that life piles on top of me everyday
And in return I try to give them something their hearts will take away
To make sparks that dream the moments away, to make the day complete
Simple I think, our lives need only to touch for a few sweet heartbeats

Caught in-between

06/05/09 03:45:20 | 0 Comments

He writes of pain hurt and despair
knowing that "home "just isn't there
in fact to him it's just not anywhere
lost between worlds trying to find his place
somewhere to say this is my space

He speaks of places and faces no longer there
sometimes with fond memories, sometimes despair
in yesterdays his heart lingers,as he wonders where
Where is home now, what am I doing here, who cares
Nothings the same, not the room, people or even his hair

Always near tears knowing home is no longer there
He works at the world he now finds himself in
everyday trying his best just to fit in
caught in-between, a place no one should be
not an adult or a child should find himself there

everyday is a struggle, his heart isn't in it
its in yesterday, that place over there
he knows what's here, and can't go there
he's tried and knows you cant go home again

nothings the same, not the people, not his friends there
caught in-between here and there
that's sure no place for anyone to be
everyone should have a place to call home
point or close your eyes, and say home? It's right there!

Relying on memories of us

06/05/09 03:30:26 | 0 Comments

For the kind sweet lady you were
we quickly became fast friends
your so very soft to my dense hard
somehow balanced us out in the end

For the sweet soul you had
I made you my sons godmother
thrilling you to genuine tears
and quieting my future fears

Even when things came between us
we still looked each for the other
visiting in such limited capacity
both wishing for more, being rushed

You battled hard and you battled long
trying so hard just to hang on
first for your boys, then for yourself
determination was running strong

Despite worries of your special child
and what the future held for your John
what he would do, how he would carry on
you managed bright and sunny smiles

Hopes of becoming a future grandma from Justin
praying for a sweet girl to complete him
made life worth the horrible years of struggle
to keep the boys calm, you held those thoughts in

Through chemotherapy you dug deep and fought on
rising above those feelings that made you cry once
most disappointments made you put up your chin
think of your kids and say your going to win

The strength you showed just demanded respect
for such a sensitive lady it was so unexpected
the courage no one knew was there fired up
you plowed ahead vowing never to give up

You didn't give up, of that we are certain of
it was the heart, just grown to big to contain it all
the joy and the wonders of all those people you loved
that caused that final curtain to sag and then fall

I'm going to miss you so, sweet kind lady
that bright sunshiny smile, for all of my days
the heart of gold, the jokes and big hugs
relying instead on 20 years of memories of us...

Sonnet

05/22/09 19:52:33 | 0 Comments

The sun on the horizon, nothing compares
ashore his loves wait, all their tears shed
one sweet lullaby note, hung in the air
the other tucked in, all snug in her bed
on the horizon the ships come and go
nights on the harbor, libertines run free
eyes watching the October horizon know
the importunate demands from the brusque sea
for those two waiting on shore, life goes on
while the men and the sea keep in tune
from sunrise worry and courage is called upon
each night a supplication, said to the moon
his two loves await, wishing they could see
the face of the fisherman, buried at sea

Sonnet

05/22/09 18:43:02 | 1 Comments

Journal in hand, I exit the homestead
looking for peace of mind, life's been unkind
the path, once chosen, can't just be undone
as those in life, I must pick the right one
some have a pastoral charm I find
with such exquisite colors, lustrous sights

others have briers, for that choice I pay
the most lush way is not always the way

those seemed so empty in the end somehow
the hard way doesn't work either mother
once I'd like to chose right,and have some fun
most, achromatic and heartbreaking ones
stopping a mistake, upon another
chose I must, augury or no, and now

Sonnet

05/20/09 22:01:46 | 0 Comments

Hanging there useless is your little rope
whatever turned your little world dull blue
invoking such sadness within your hue
look at you sag, acting sullen with no hope

Feeling down you sit there looking sad and mope
letting the innocence out and melancholy through
disturbing the delightful intrinsic parts of you
turning your world into a colorless kaleidoscope

Time to perk up, get moving, there's no time to lose
gather some bright colors from the ground and the sky
then cultivate some rainbows to radiate for miles and miles
let's get your brightness back, there's no time left to brood
get some colors and light kindling inside, then go and rise
whatever brought you down, let it lay fallow for a long while

.

05/19/09 14:10:39 | 0 Comments

It creeps quietly at first, like an amorous lover deep in the night
slowly it fans sparks to ignite a flame, sets everything afire, as if it thinks
a lick of spark becomes bright flames, feel the over powering heat

With zealous ambition it casts it's luring red and orange light
tantalizing, mesmerizing, inching closer every eye blink
reaching out to touch everything, everywhere to feed, gorging itself

In harmonic sync with it's power, it accomplishes a mighty feat
breaking down everything in it's path, making life take flight
natures treasures now hot sparks, as hearts desires, dreams and homes sink

Unthinkable destruction is what it leaves behind, all in half a hearts beat
cinders and ashes with smoking debris, leaving humans unsure of ourselves
even though we took umbrage it it's destruction, we watched as it ate on

But the lackluster of a roaring fire quickly dies, as things slowly melt
seeing through tears all that was loved, dreamed about, is now gone

A mental blow

04/27/09 15:32:56 | 0 Comments

a mental blow

never saw it coming
tears stream
drip to the floor
that quickly rises up
to meet the knees
the body follows
crumples lifelessly
head meeting the cold tile
the will to go on lost
the heart bleeds out the life it held
the Soul slips quietly out and away
escaping to parts unknown
the essence of being floating free

One of the Gods drop-kick the essence back
slamming it back into the body resembling a sack
bumping the heart into starting to pump
sucking the soul back inside to hide
making the limp body shake and quake
as the head lifts off the tile
wondering why all the while
tears cleansing the body and soul
the voice rages at the world and all it holds
standing to shake fists in an angry tirade
swearing, the body walks away
knowing its facing yet another day
tomorrow can't possibly be as bad today

Aprils fool, first I cried & then I smiled

04/02/09 03:20:10 | 1 Comments

On this day I once again grieve for you
pray with all my heart and soul
that your path to her was peaceful
and your journeys are complete
your spirit now is whole
and your reunions extra sweet

God I really miss you
can't help the tears
streaming from my eyes
or for the pain of loss
shredding my insides
seems every day I miss you more
the pain just never goes away

today on everyone else's April fools day
the others are pranking, joking & laughing
but it just seems to be my cry day
I still find myself looking for you
in the process of my very long days
longing for the one who completed all my days
who accepted me and all my totally odd ways
even when over emotional days came out to play

as a matter of fact at this point he'd sympathize
he'd tell me he loved me and that it's not hard
say that he'd met much odder ducks than me
then look me straight in the eye
reach over
grab my hand
and Say

"to mushy, what else ya got?"

we'd laugh

and I'd go on......

I know on Judgment day
when you went to meet your maker
SHE took one look at you
smiled
put out her hand
and exclaimed John!
nice to finally meet you
here take these wings
And now put 'em on
go on to those gates over there
and get yourself inside

I know those pearly gates slammed open
and everyone rushed outside
to welcome home the man
standing there outside
I'm sure your brothers razzed you
and your sister bullied them aside
to get her bear hug and a kiss
while gram stood there watching
tears running from her eyes
finally, coming from her lips
in the way of a heartened sigh

I hope the party then commenced
a bottle of beer was held high
as the crowd that surrounded you
hip hip hoorah-ed and all that hoopla
and for once gram joined you
as you celebrated your reunion
with your family and your bride

hope you know your going to pay tomorrow
there's nowhere for you to hide
no one, not god or any clouds
can keep you from grams eyes
perhaps she'll take Pity on you
just this once she'll let it slide
happy your finally by her side
and not slam the pots and pans together
as the night before bangs in your head
and the hangover bleeds from your eyes

I'd grin
And you'd laugh....

Aloha

02/26/09 18:59:44 | 0 Comments

These are named operations, such as the well know Desert Storm. The operations start with capital letters, they are in random order, for the most part. Tiger Cubs,Tiger Care, Lion Cubs and Crayon were relief efforts for children in the form of toys and school supplies during the storms....At least the children were thought of...Aloha was an operation that entailed knocking on doors to ask, if the house could be searched, instead of the usual startling entries....others were from different wars, or conflicts, depends on who's defining...

Aloha
an
Airborn Dragon
delivered
Panther Squeeze
while
Desert Shield
protected
Southern Watch
and
Soda Mountain
applauded
Ivy Serpent
as
Sidewinder
helped
Scorpion
Strike

splitting
Enduring Freedom
into
Infinite Justice
making
Noble Eagle
home-guard

Joint Endeavor
brought
Dragon Victory
to
Red Dawn
and
Iron Justice
introduced
Iron Grip
while

Mandarin Squeeze

and

Suicide Kings
with
Iron Resolve
delivered
Tiger Cubs
with
Tiger Care
to
Lion Cubs

Sand Storm
and
Northern Lights
made

Desert Storm
spawn
Dragon Breath
while

Falconer
watches
Green Angel
protect
Three Kings

but
Crayon

fighting
Badger

Fox
and
Lion
with

Vigilant Resolve

woke
Vigilant Warrior

To all of you that served in any war or conflict, I thank you for representing our country, right or wrong does not fall on your shoulders, but my gratitude does.. . . . .

These last 4 pics are Graphics by Doc.
Thanks!

Rebuild & Regroup

02/25/09 18:41:08 | 1 Comments

rebuild

regroup

reattach with what remains

less the "human" of before

a new being of parts and pieces

a bit of today

blocks of yesterday

parts of tomorrow

select pieces of "it " not "me"

very high upwards to build

chuck the soft parts

use tough parts

build higher

better walls

cement it together with past regrets

present hurts

Keeping out future remorse

misjudgments too

build a modern me

with hardened yesterdays

making me sociably unacceptable

much steadier than ever before

able to stand up to the test of time

all the dam tests

holding up against the winds of stupidity

keeping the storms of ill intent at bay

blocking out upheavals people bring

giving the torment no cracks to get in

so I can finally sleep

blissfully

unaware

of anyone

anything

and

things no longer there

The sock business

02/25/09 18:37:03 | 1 Comments

He struggles for each breath, his dried lips blue

laying in a bed as old as he is, one he just wouldn't part with

creaking springs object when I sit, again when I reach for his hand

his watery eyes open, between wheezes he says "I think this time is it"

I barely heard him, but his voice is gets louder, as if he understands

He laughs, "Gram can stop cuffing me with her wings and do it in person soon

I could feel her cuffing me for somethings I didn't dare do before with her

like changing the carpet color, and wearing one black sock and one blue"

he struggles to get both feet free, the socks match, "darn her" he says, we laugh

"she made me match 'em, I won't get away with this socks business soon"

We hold hands as he drifts off, but not to her

it's another year before, once again, a serious illness occurs

"Hey we've done this a time or two before" he says, and we laugh

"I'm sure going to miss you" he states and closes his eyes

when he drifts off, this time he does go to her

I close my eyes, tears escaping, envisioning him and her, together at last

after 67 married years together here, I wish them 100 more together

and after 13 lonely years without each other, they are long overdue

his mind was rock solid, but his body was unable to see him through

my head understands, but my heart won't let that message through

I lifted the covers, sure enough, one black sock and one blue

I had to smile, wondering just how he managed to do that

I knew the socks I put in his drawer all matched

just as I'm sure he knew this day was his last

bet Gram doesn't cuff him, but instead just laughs...

The Snoopy Ride

02/12/09 20:42:10 | 0 Comments

There I was in wally world

on the Snoopy ride I rode

him and me on his airplane

up and down,

down and up

up and up we rode

then side to side we did go

longest ride I'd ever rode

we came in for a landing

a stunt woman I could never be

finally, it's going to slow

giving me the time I need

pulling from the cracked wing

my shirt tail is finally free

no more hanging from the side

laughing and laughing

till I nearly pee

no more of that for me

next time in the seat

is where I aim to be

My Son

02/12/09 19:59:23 | 1 Comments

He disturbs my nights, throws my mind into questionable futures

fuels my hopes and dreams, words he speaks tactlessly, untainted

my grinning son, holding wildflower bouquets plastered to my face

With sleepless nights and tear stained days, time keeps marching on

life's once still pond has growing rings around a cast pebble

my turbulent son, angry at fates pick for him today

Yet unchanged fate drew more than stormy clouds, rage rumbles out

lessons yet learned, limits to be found, but fury abound

my teen, has yet to learn, temper belongs to mother nature

As tall as me, thick limbs, a trunk that more than out weighs me now

turbulent and calm now swing like the wind, first soft then harsh

my son, mine for all of my days, holding wildflower bouquets

Little Girl

02/12/09 19:53:55 | 1 Comments

once
upon a time,
a life time ago
it seems to me
I told you I loved you
would always love you
my love had no bounds
no limits
If it did
you
would surely have found them
you've pushed all the buttons
played with all the switches
everything you could think of
to make me hate you
to set you free
I'm here to stay
nothing you can do
not a thing you could say
nothing could push me away
could make me love you any less
Yes, I do resent what you have done
can't stand things that you've have said
but those failings, they are all mine I fear
some way, some how, you just didn't get it
many times I'd smile, say "I'd love you forever
and nothing can change it, there are no bounds"
I wanted you to know, never wonder if it was so
yes I meant it,but in the order that I said them
don't you dare play around with my words
make them what you want them say
shuffling or twisting them around
to make make them mean less
than I intended them to say
they are my words
meaning clear
to everyone
except you
little girl
(((sigh)))
I love you
you foolish
beautiful girl
you are my
heart,soul
and my life
I'm here regardless

For me the truth is no excuse

02/11/09 18:00:22 | 2 Comments

Today I got to visit with the very beautiful girl

I spent over 20 years crying myself to sleep over

I hadn't hugged, held or seen, since she turned 2

the owner of this stuffed kitten and little bronze shoe

After years and years of searching, inside myself

the faces of all the little girls that had blond hair

relentlessly chasing after her in all my dreams

seeing her dead body in every nightmare

She stood before me today as I cried again
the most beautiful woman on the planet

yet, somehow, a spitting image of me too

a perfect blending of two kids in their youth

Full of questions, demanding the truth

the answers I give, my shredded soul I bare

but not one answer I give will do

for me the truth is no excuse

No right answers to be found here

Some why's just being left up in the air

why-I can't answer, I just wasn't there

after 20 years I don't know, is the best I can do

Why didn't I, ended with the same answer "you"

Why couldn't I questions all ended with "ask dad"

it was him that took and forever hid you away

what I did, or didn't do, to deserve it-I've no clue

What more I could have done to find you

it seems such simple a matter to you

I pray you never know what you'd do

Just that someday you'll face the truth

Of course he did what he had to do

never would I knock the heart of you

but never ever will I lie for him

not even if that lie could free you

He can never justify what he did to us

his silence should speak volumes, even to you

beyond that there's nothing l can do or say

I can't defend myself from what your heart prays isn't true

Good-bye? But I wish you would stay

I've dreamed forever of this day

not the reunion I'd dreamed of, I must say

now I'm not sure how I'll make it though my days

Wait for me

02/11/09 17:41:54 | 1 Comments

I'm broken

pieces of my heart
are now totally gone
leaving a big empty hole
where my heart once beat
thumped rhythmically
it now stumbles
skips a beat
it hurts
so
very badly
heart and soul hurt
from the two that I lost
and from the others I didn't
they remind me that life goes on
and there are people I've left behind
I should never have forgotten
left them so far behind
feeling forgotten
unloved
ever
so slowly
my soul mends
patched in some places
just spots of remembrances
of those that are now gone from it
causing tender spots of emotional pain
One day soon I will be whole again
smiles will come a lot easier
laughter so much lighter
and life much easier
than it has been
for you
us
please
wait for me
don't give up
I'll return as me
make up for lost time
thank you for your patience
loving you for your understanding
and appreciating all that you do for me
just a little more time for reflecting
a few quiet contemplations

a couple of last tears
before I'm ready
to live our life
a moment
to see

me
you
we

What If...

02/11/09 17:37:19 | 0 Comments

What if, in that moment of time
you could be made to stop and think
of us, her, them, and of him
would it change the outcome?

What if, in that space of time
you could see what it would do to me
how it would change her
what it would do to them
what life would be like for him
would you put that gun down?

What if, in a fraction of time
you could witness the pain
see the tears spill down
feel the crushing pain
watch the agony
would you flush those pills instead?

What if, in that heartbeat or less
you saw the future without you
how long my heart would hurt
how she'd never find another
how different they'd carry on
how he'd never be a brother
would you slow that car down?

What if, for that moment of time
you could see, feel, and hear
what it would be like to be us
would it turn your life around
-just enough-
to keep from putting you in the ground?

My Heart

02/11/09 17:27:58 | 0 Comments

In the inner circle is the heart
another circle around that
contains things we want and need
after that comes the rest of the world
where we play and pay for all our needs

Nothing in the inner circle gets played with
no toying, pushing, prodding or harassing
no intentional, hurtful deeds allowed
you can play with all of the other parts
but don't play with the heart

Take all the things that I wanted
or keep away the things I need
screw it up, mix it up, or just let it be
it really doesn't matter much to me
but don't play with the heart

I'll tenderly care for the heart
lovingly tend to it each hour
and do so for all of my days
to ensure strength, safety, and harmony
to keep worries away

I'll work or fight for what I need

with all that I have in me
make a game, or two of it, if need be
and all of that is ok with me
tomorrow's another day
another day to fight or play

Each night I go back to the heart
so content and worry free
knowing all the pieces are waiting
and waiting just for me
it gives me the strength
to fight and play

Each morning I wake
praying your all still happy here
not looking elsewhere, in the past
maybe even feeling at home,

a place to just be, at last

Welcome to the heart

a place for all of your days

a place you walked or wiggled into

with a smile or maybe wacky ways

you are now a piece of it

physically near or far away

Nothing you can do will change it

it now beats in time with yours

it's our heart now, to hug and hold

or mend, should it begin to bleed

in all ways, it's our heart now

and forever it will be

I wish I could wish you here

07/20/08 03:43:43 | 0 Comments

The breeze plays with my hair
the stars are shining bright
it's very quiet now
the dead of the night

My mind wanders to you
picturing you in my mind
my ears strain to hear your voice
just this one last time

I pull your shirt around me
the one that still smells of you
I close my eyes and wish
for the life we once knew

I'm lost and lonely, but not alone
I always feel you near
your where you want to be
with the love that you hold dear

For you are now at peace
nothing for you to fear
I wish, oh how I wish
that I could wish you here

ramblings, ranting, venting..

07/20/08 03:39:05 | 2 Comments

April 1, 2008
The man called dad, granddad and great grampa died that day.
Most of his blood relatives it didn't impact a lot,
as contact was minimal at best from the whole lot.
He has 2 children, 13 grandchildren, all of them grown,
29 great-grandchildren, most living at home,
and 6 great-great grandchildren, babies just born.
Yet, God how that man felt so alone

A rich retired life he could have led,
but all of that knowledge died with him,
all of it still clear and untapped in his head.
Through 98 years worth of feast and famine
he kept his family well tended and fed.

All the "I need" phone calls over the years
answered with the requested check.
No one called just to say hello
help was the requirement instead,
for which he happily replied "sure"
and then did his best to fulfill the request

This man to me was grampa, and a grand-pa
He and my grandma helped me get through life.
They were there for me when I was at my worst,
and still there when I was at my best.
He proudly gave me away at my wedding,
she held me through all the tears that I shed

I got the best years of their lives.
grampa and gram were there for me during a time in life
where they had nothing but time.
They spent retirement years with me and mine
I truly do feel very, very blessed

He took care of gram when she fell ill,
and then when she went clean out of her head.
For two years he tended her, remembering the life they'd led.
He kept her at home, stayed with her, praying by her bed.
Till the day that she passed, he rarely lifted his head.
He let me help very little, but then I didn't press....

For over 14 years it was just him and me, I lived close by
an occasional relative did need help, and then stopped to say hi
Both Easter visits in the hospital, he saw no one but me
no cards, no phone calls at all, no kids stopping by.
Fathers day-2 cards to be seen, 1 from the nurses 1 from me
grand FATHER to just one I guess- just me,
I guess the others just saw him as the money tree

Recuperating at home, help came from neighbors and me
every one of his friends I did see, but no one from the family.
He lived alone you see, and at 98 as proud of it as can be.
Yet no offers of help, no check on him calls, just me.
His birthday passed uneventfully, just a card and a cake...
Thanksgivings followed the same after that, we were at home
just him and me, and not one time did that phone ring

But the hurt was plain to see, the smile fooling most -but not me.
The lost looks on Thanksgivings, us two at the big family table.
Glancing at the phone on Christmas eve, staring sadly into the pine tree.
Checking his mail 4 times on fathers day, hoping I didn't see,
a retired postman knows when to expect a letter -he of all people knew better

At Christmas over 40 cards he sent out, every year, faithfully
address by his own hand to relatives, and many more to his friends
not one person would he have left out, even last year when he couldn't see.
He got cards from all his neighbors, all of his friends remembered him too,
every one it seemed, but those people who share blood with him and me.
I got to play Santa and leave him gifts, year after year I did so gladly
he deserved something didn't he? I sure think so, he remembered me

Sure there were postcards over the years, wish you here! a picture of a scene
but did they bother to ask him along? "oh God no, he's almost 90"-not with me!
His very first plane trip was with me, he was 87 years old I believe
I took him on vacations, and to see his kids, and grand kids
and then took the "old salty sailor" man to his beloved sea,
wondering why the kids didn't come and visit him instead
"they're busy, got lives of their own there's children to be see to...
plenty to do at home...and just not able"
he'd justify out loud to himself, but never to me...

He died knowing I loved him, and wondering why the rest didn't
Wondering what it was that kept them away "was it something I did"?
"something I just didn't do.....maybe something I said"?
Unable to get the questions answered, they floated through his head
until that year that he finally asked me, shyly he asked, looking beyond me..
I answered "they are leaving you all to me, every day I thank the powers that be
that you are here to help and comfort me, I ran them all off- just blame me"
He just laughed and shook his head, not really knowing if I was serious
I'm known to be...

His funeral most of the family attended, a few were missing, most notably me,
I preferred the memories, not visions that would have crowded my head.
I surely had no interest in the family that would ask for money,
then not giving him another thought, till the next crises
The reading of the will, all were accounted for,
except one who couldn't care anymore
that would called the unsociable trouble maker, the gold digger-that would be me.
Fighting and bickering, pointing fingers, plenty of crocodile tears being shed
as the money was doled out, absolutely nothing nice being said,
zero for me, smirks from the family, the lawyer shaking his head
A few of the grandchildren were saddened by the years they had missed,
now that they took the time to think about it...

They got the money, long gone, quickly spent
Gram and Gramp forgotten about like childhood friends
I got the years, experience, the smiles and the tears,
I got memories that will last me years and years
of laughter and happiness that brought me to tears
not to mention live history for the last 100 years

Open your eyes people! You need to see,
all that he felt, he felt needlessly.
You all have parents out there,
through birth or through marriage.
Take the time to send that card,
make that phone ring!
A life without family,
just shouldn't be...